When I got back, the sun was out and it seemed like the perfect day to take out the weed whip, a golf club shaped tool that I use to cut the grass around the cabin. I basically get up to the tall grass and take a swing and cut it down. I decided to do the 1/4 mile drive way that stretches from the cabin to the gate. The grass has been growing tall right up the middle of the drive where our cars' tires don't smash it all down.
About 15 minutes into the job I start to break a sweat and get into a rhythm with the swings. The sun felt good on my head and on my shoulders and I'm trekking right along. At about half an hour into the job, I turn around and see that I'm only about 50 yards from where I started. "Wow! This is going to be a long job." I carried on for about another ten minutes before I start wondering if the weed eater back at the cabin has any gas in it. That thought passes and I enjoy the feeling of letting my thoughts wander from one place to another. It felt great to be out there in the sun and working with no sense of a deadline. I swung at my own pace, watching the tall grass fall away.
I've really appreciated living at this pace. We're usually in bed by 8:00 p.m. everyday. There is usually some kind of physical work that needs to get done daily that keeps our bodies active. Since it is a little bit of a doing to get off the land, we eat out far less than we used to in Honolulu. Our meals have become simpler, but still very delicious and nutritious.
The physical transformation has become obvious. I've lost about 15 lbs. I feel far more rested. Since I don't have to put up appearances at any kind of job, my goatee has gotten long and scraggly, and I like it. One of the most marked physical transformations for me has been the clearing of the eczema I would get on my right hand. I've had really bad eczema on my right hand for over 16 years. The skin on my hand would be extremely dry, cracked and sometimes swollen. It would get especially bad if there was a lot of stress in my life. And now it is pretty much completely cleared up. I can actually see finger prints on my hand where there was only dry cracked skin before. Yes, life is a little bit less stressful here on the Big Island, but I think the clearing of the eczema is more about Kim and I making the leaps to live a more genuine and authentic life.
It's interesting that the eczema appeared almost immediately after I finished college. I think somewhere in my consciousness, the end of college marked the end of play time. It was time for me to be an adult. And under my belief systems at that time that meant getting serious about things and getting a job. It was about getting my proverbial S-H-I-T together. So I made decisions in my life that began to hedge me into a box that seemed to be "safe" and "sensible". My authentic self knew it, and was screaming out through the eczema in my hand.
Now I must give Kim and I credit for making some bold moves over the years as well. We got married by today's standards at a fairly young age. I was 24 and she was 22. When I told my mom the news about our marriage the first thing out of her mouth was a piercing, "WHAT?!" that shot through the house and hit Kim waiting in the living room. The next thing out of her mouth was a hissed,"Is she pregnant? You're too young." Everyone thought we were too young, but we did it anyway and we're so grateful we did. We've also lived and worked overseas and decided, when it was time to have a child, to have a home birth.
So we have made some bold moves over the years but, besides the decision to have Bodhi this move to the land has perhaps been the boldest to date. I am reassured, however, by Johann Wolfgang von Goethe, "Whatever you do, or dream, you can begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it."
On my 40th birthday last month, we were driving into Hilo Town from being on the land all day. On the opposite side of the highway a man in his 60s was zooming by us on his Harley Davidson chopper. His long grey hair streaked behind him as the wind blew across his face. At that moment, that man epitomized fun to me. I looked at Kim and I said, "That's what the next part of my life is going to be about. Having fun." I've spent too many years of my life living in boxes and making compromises because I was afraid. It's time to be me.
By the way, I didn't finish cutting the grass. It got too hot and I got too hungry. The grass will be there tomorrow.
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