Monkey and Me

Thinking can be dangerous.

This has been our second week of project free living. It has been lovely. A lot of time to talk, to read, to take Bodhi out to play. The weather has been beautiful, rainy nights that keep the catchment full and sunny days that keep us going swimming----because ya gotta be outside when the sun is shinning.

We've been able to have a lot of much needed quiet time---and there in lies the danger. When you are busy with "to do's" it is much easier to keep a leash on your monkey mind. Andrew took Bodhi to school this morning, so I was alone as I finished the morning chores. I did the dishes and a little fuzz control. I am happy to report that I have surrendered to the fact that mold is all around and that I have to just work with it. The toys are holding up, just a few had mold spots, which I wiped off with alcohol and our dinning room table will be refinished soon--that is the best I can do. I have learned acceptance about the mold and acceptance is always a good lesson.

It was beautifully quiet and peaceful as I swept, yet I was nervous. I was having an, "Oh shit, what have we done?" moment---on a small, slightly unconscious scale. I have been having these thoughts the past few days---my monkey has apparently gnawed through her leash in search of bananas.

"What have we done?", my mind whispers. "Why did you give up the security and certainty that you had going for you on O'ahu?" "Why did you buy the land?" "What would your life be like now if you hadn't spent Lois' gift on the land?" My mind wanders, imagines scenarios in which we stayed on O'ahu, kept Andrew's job and Lois' money or moved to Portland or Europe. The monkey is bouncing around it's cage in my head screeching---"what if you didn't make the best choice with this move????"

And then I think about Andrew. My husband has fingerprints!!!! His eczema is almost gone. I can't stress to you how major this is. He has been in some level of pain for years. His hands would get so bad that they would crack open and bleed. And then there was his hacking cough and slight high blood pressure. All from stress. And ALL gone! I am also feeling physically better too. I am losing weight, like Andrew, and on the whole feeling much more at peace. I think about the fact that Andrew and I get to spend every day together. I think about how we are putting down roots and creating something magical for Bodhi.

I also think about the flow. Andrew and I have been committed, for some time now, to paying attention to and going with what seems to be flowing the easiest in our lives. The land purchase came about easily and effortlessly and so has the move over. We were blessed by Lois with the money, then blessed by Jim with the land, then blessed by Karen with a place to stay while we got settled, and then blessed by Jim again with the cabin. Abundant flow.

Now we are blessed by the time to be open and to allow our next moves to reveal themselves.

This is where my monkey sometimes gets loose. I am pretty good at keeping her caged, but clearly I still have fears. We have a few months left until we absolutely need to have some income flow. The clarity is coming, as to what we want to do to create income, and that is good. Now I just need to continue having the faith we need to resist swimming upstream. I know my job is to decide what I want and it is the universe's job to figure out the how. I just need to get out of the way. I need to breathe through any fear I may have, continue to hold good emotional vibrations and be willing to float. Float with the currents.

I will tell my monkey that there is no lack of abundance. She can have all the bananas she wants and I will build her a comfortable boat so that she can float with me on the peaceful and supportive currents of the universe.