Digging In

Things are coming along out at the cabin.

Jim and I finished putting in the floor of the dining room area. We even built a set of stairs that lead down from the dining area to the yard below. After all the floor boards were tacked in, Jim and I sat on captain's chairs in the newly floored area and ate slices of roast beef, ham, with big hunks of feta walnut bread and a beet salad. It was one of those manly Hemingway moments without all the debauchery.

The next project at hand is to figure out some kind of water catchement system. Jim is suggesting we get a 100 gallon container and mount it up on one of the roof sections with water feeding into the tank from the gutters we'll need to put up. Since the tank will be on the roof we can run pipe down and have it run off of gravity feed. It should work out fine. A 100 gallons of water is not a lot of water for a family, so we'll be using that water primarily for cleaning and bathing. We'll bring up water for cooking and drinking in large containers from the county line. Just to give you a sense of how little 100 gallons of water is, most homes here on catchement systems have at a minimum 5000 gallon tanks, the norm is 10,000 gallons. When we were here on the Big Island ten years ago running the Bed and Breakfast, we had a 5000 gallon tank. That was really small for a Bed and Breakfast. I remember one morning, after only about a week of being an Inn Keeper, I got up to use the toilet. After flushing the toilet, I went to wash my hands. I turned on the sink and only air came out of the pipes. This couldn't be right, I thought to myself. I had just checked the tank the day before and it was completely full, 5000 gallons. Now, only air was coming out of the sink. Where could 5000 gallons have gone? I panicked. I ran out to the garage where the tank was and the water pump was running and pumping nothing but air. I turned it off before the motor burned out. I climbed up the ladder to look into the tank and sure enough it was completely drained. How could this have happened? It turns out that the flapper on the guest room's toilet was cracked. So, 5000 gallons basically flushed away in a day. Luckily, we didn't have any guests at the time and we fixed the situation pretty quickly. We became aware of the value of water for Puna people not on county water. We also became familiar with this water conservation phrase, "If it's yellow keep it mellow. If it's brown flush it down."

Our new water conservation phrase might go something like this, "Yellow or brown don't recoil, just turn it into planting soil."

As far as our toilet situation on the land, we're planning on building a compost toilet. It'll basically be a five gallon bucket with a nice wooden box around it and a toilet seat on top. Kim is reading a book on humanure, so we can get a better understanding on how to handle the waste. Kim got to use one of these toilets this weekend when she and Bodhi had a play date at one of his new Waldorf classmate's house. She was amazed that it didn't smell at all. Basically you do your business and after you're done you sprinkle some saw dust or grass or peat moss on the stuff. Once the bucket is full, you take it out to your compost heap and add whatever other kinds of composting material you have and in about a year, you'll have good soil for your garden. The resulting compost is incredibly safe with the right combination of proper materials, heat and time. We should all consider that if the whole world used flush toilets, we wouldn't have enough drinking water.

In addition to the amazing toilet, Bodhi did have a good time at his classmate's house. Kim is gifted when it comes to social networking. On Friday, when we dropped Bodhi at school, Kim saw a mom we had had a nice conversation with before and suggested that her son, Sebastian, and Bodhi have a play date the next day. It worked out great. Sebastian's dad is an orchid farmer and Sebastian's mom is an attorney with the public defender's office. They've been on the Big Island for four years and have not had the opportunity to make too many friends. So Kim's invite for a play date came as a real breath of fresh air for Bodhi's new Aunty Mirtha.

Bodhi had his first lesson in planting a garden today. Karen took him out to her vegetable garden and showed him how to plant seeds. They planted radishes, kale, collards, and green beans. He got to dig holes and drop seeds in and cover them up. Bodhi doesn't like to get dirty, so he wasn't too pleased that his hands were getting soiled. He'll get used to it. Although I consider myself more of a spiritual person rather than a religious person, I really admire the Benedictines. The Benedictines have the practice of holding fast to wherever they make a settlement. Through feasts or famines they will stick to that place and make it all work somehow. It gives them a sense of place and an anchor through the shifting currents of life. I think Bodhi had his first lesson in this today with getting in the soil and digging in.

Success!

What a great start to a very nice day. We got to school today. Carried Bodhi in through the gate---he immediately wanted down so he could play in the yard. He then ran into his classroom and said hi to his teacher (Pictured above). He seemed genuinely happy to be there. We stayed a few minutes---in amazement. Then Bodhi initiated the goodbyes---he kissed and hugged us, said goodbye and commenced playing with some toys! Hallelujah!!!! I walked out to the car on a cloud.

The rest of the day went very smoothly--got some more work done at the cabin, took Bodhi to the Pahoa pool after school, met with our dear friend Carrie for a delicious dinner at her house---what a lovely day.

I am so grateful for how well things have been flowing and am blissing out on getting to spend so much time with my husband. I get these waves of gratitude that wash over me---especially when we are working at the cabin, on a weekday, during "work" hours---I think to myself--He's with me and not at work. Yeah! So great.

And add to that--Bodhi beginning to enjoy school----priceless!

Another Big Day

The little man is pooped. He had another big day today but, once again, did not nap at school. Took a two hour nap at home and was up till 10pm! Yikes. We are definitely needing to work the kinks out on that one.

This morning Andrew and I awoke to almost immediate statements of, "I don't want to go to school". Deep breath. Keep moving forward.

On the drive to school today I was buoyed by the kind words of momma friends who emailed to support us. Thank you so much! I can't tell you how much it helped. I feel so blessed to be connected to you all. And thank goodness for those fortifying words---they were just in time.

Just as we turned in to the school parking lot, Bodhi began wailing, "I don't want to go to school mommy!". I carried him in at decibel levels matched to yesterdays upset. I knew I shouldn't stay long, it would only prolong it for him, so once again Aunty Debra had to peel him off of me and I left walking backward so I could catch the kisses he was blowing me through his tears.

In the car I had tears too, but at least I was not overcome with the heaves--like yesterday. I knew he would calm down soon and have a good day. And praise the universe, that's exactly what he did. When I returned at 2:30 the assistant told me he calmed down 2 minutes after I left and had a wonderful day. I could tell the second I saw him, he was so excited to show me a toy train in the classroom and to give me some flowers he had picked with his teacher, Aunty Debra. As we left for the day Aunty Debra called out, "I love you Bodhi" and he shouted across the playground, "I love you Aunty Debra".

So we will continue to ride this ride. Thanks for going along with us.

Now to work on those naps!

The Floor Must Go On

Here is our car with another load of lumber proudly strapped on by Andrew. These are floor joists for our soon to be dining area. 16 foot 2x6's. Ooh, I feel so cool saying that--like I actually have a clue about building something. What fun!

Andrew is having a blast being outdoors, being so physical and being an apprentice builder. Thank you Jim for teaching us.

It has been so affirming for me to watch Andrew build at our new cabin home. He has a lightness about him---it's been hard work---but it's also been very satisfying and fun.

Check out the fabulous wood pile picture---I am so proud. I wish I had taken a before shot--this wood was in a huge scrap pile, it took me several hours to sort, carry and stack it to it's new location. It's so pretty. I can't help it, I love to organize the chaos! So now the area where the mass of wood was piled in a heap is now completely clear and ready for us to figure out exactly what we are going to do for a bathroom. It will be interesting. Stay tuned.

Kinderhale

Raw and grated.

That's how I felt after dropping Bodhi off for his first day of preschool. Everything was running very smooothly this morning. Bodhi got up feeling cheery and ready to go to school. He had a good breakfast, got dressed right away, brushed his teeth and we were on the road by 7:15. It was our first time driving in Hilo morning traffic so we were not used to some of the new traffic patterns. Despite some slow downs here and there, we pulled into the Waldorf School's parking lot at 8:00am, right on time for school.

Bodhi seemed excited about school. He posed for some pictures in front of the school sign and walked straight to his classroom. Kim and I had been prepping him for the last few days and letting him know that he would be going to school without mommy and daddy. He seemed to understand it at the time, but this morning when we were leaving, he lost it. It was horrendous. He started crying and clinging on to Kim. I could see it in Kim's face, she was doing everything she could to stay in control and hold back her own tears. I took him for a moment and he cried on me. His preschool teacher tried to interest him in a flower and some toys, he wouldn't have any of it. The only thing that would work was to pry him off and hand him to his teacher. We walked away and he was crying out,"I want a hug! I want a hug!" We turned around and gave him one last hug and a kiss. As we exited the gate we could hear him screaming in between sobs,"Bye mommy! Bye daddy." It tore up my heart. It made me question whether we were doing the right thing. A mom from another classroom saw Bodhi crying for us and she said Bodhi's crying was making her feel like crying too. Her son was in the older class. She saw Kim sobbing outside the gate and came over to hug and comfort Kim. Kim tried to comfort herself by saying it would get better, but the woman told Kim to never fully let that feeling go. Good advice.

Kim and I thought we would feel elated after dropping Bodhi off at school. We thought we would do a little dance around the car before driving off with the stereo blasting, enjoying our new found freedom. Believe me there have been many times I've thought my toddler was the biggest a-hole around. But now, I was feeling like the big a-hole. Were we doing the right thing? How could we leave this sweet little boy with total strangers? He didn't have his friends there with him and he was only vaguely familiar with the school. So instead of doing our celebratory dance, we sat in the car staring out the window at the gate to his preschool. Silent tears running down my face and Kim sobbing out loud. We saw another mom standing inside the gate and Kim asked me to ask her if Bodhi had calmed down. I went over to talk to this mom and sure enough after we left Bodhi had settled down.

Feeling like we were just put through the ringer, we decided not to head straight up to the land. Instead we went to Pahoa to have some breakfast and walk around for a bit. It was nice having a leisurely breakfast with Kim and then checking out some the shops around town, but always in the back of our minds the little scene of Bodhi crying out,"Bye mommy! Bye Daddy!" played over and over. We finally got to the land and got some work done and then headed back to school to pick up Bodhi. And guess what--he was perfectly fine. He was hanging out in the classroom playing with some toys and absolutely excited to let us know all that happened in class. According to his teacher, he didn't eat much lunch and he didn't nap during quiet time, but he was great otherwise. He even made shi shi on his own.

At home, Karen baked him a special chocolate cake that we ate after dinner to celebrate his first day of preschool. "Happy preschool to you. Happy preschool to you. Happy preschool dear Bodhi. Happy preschool to you." He was pleased. Tomorrow is day two. I hold good thoughts that it will go easily and effortlessly. And so it is.

Permanence

I think I may have gotten too much sun today.

Over the last few days Kim and I thought it would be a good idea to focus in on getting Bodhi as settled as possible in his new environment before he starts preschool tomorrow. So we've taken a break from working on the land and have been hanging out and enjoying Hilo Town. This morning after taking some trash to the dump, we took Bodhi to get his "yellow" smoothie from Abundant Life and then to Mokupapapa--a sea life exhibition on the Bay Front. Bodhi enjoys going into Mokupapapa to play with all of the displays there. He always asks for a honu hand stamp from the front counter before we leave. After our time at the Bay Front we drove to Onekahakaha Beach. The beach was gorgeous. The water was very calm and shallow with a sandy bottom. Standing in the water and staring out to sea, the Hamakua Coast is on display and Mauna Kea rises up in the background. When we first got in the water, a sea turtle was cruising around near the shore. As it swam around its front fin would rise up above the water and Bodhi was convinced it was waving hello to him. The sun was deceptive today. It didn't feel very intense when we were out there, but it was really pounding down on me and zapped my energy.

It's interesting how emotions can really rise up in you when you are fatigued. This afternoon I couldn't quite understand why I was feeling physically kind of out of it. I felt like I was always on the verge of tears. Then I had the realization that I was really nervous about Bodhi starting school tomorrow. There is so much wrapped up in him going to school. For Kim and I, Bodhi starting the routine of going to school here on the Big Island is a definite marker that we are not on vacation here. Over the last week and a half that we have been here, even though we've been working on the land, there was still that slight feeling of being on vacation instead of feeling like we've moved here. Now, there is a feeling of permanence with him starting school. There is also trust issues on my part. I know the teachers at the Waldorf School are professionals, but I don't necessarily trust other people to care for my precious, sweet, little boy. Over the past three years Kim has been Bodhi's primary care giver and now we are handing him over to other people, that I only met a few days ago, to socialize him. I know, I know I need to surrender. But questions flare up in my mind like, are they going to know how to help him make shi shi?, will they be able to get him to eat his lunch?, will he get along with the other kids?

Kim reassures me that he's ready and that his teachers are really good people. So right here, right now, I surrender and trust knowing that all is well. Isn't it great what kinds of things come up from the inside for you to look at and surrender. And I can thank a hot day in the sun for helping to bring it all up.

We're sitting in Karen's living room right now. Kim is working on labeling Bodhi's clothes, blankets, rain boots, rain coat. Kim was going to simply place a piece of masking tape on one of Bodhi's blankets and write his name with a sharpie. So she asks Karen for some masking tape and explains what she is planning on doing. Karen goes to her closet and takes out her embroidering material and gives Kim a lesson on spelling B-o-d-h-i with thread. So now his blanket is embroidered with his name in this great green color. And unlike tape, it won't come away so easily. I guess it's just like our stay here on the Big Island.

Hilo Town

Kim, Bodhi and I took a walk around Hilo Town today. It's really convenient to get to the heart of Hilo Town from Karen's house. She's about a five minute walk from the Bay Front. It was a warm Sunday Morning when we packed Bodhi in the stroller and started to head out. The clouds were hanging about so I decided to pack an umbrella. Karen came out of her house, looked at me and said, "You better take two." Karen is one of those Hilo people that must be able to feel the rain coming in her bones. On one of our previous trips to Hilo we were going for a walk from Karen's house to the Bay Front. The sun was shining and it seemed like the day was going to carry on that way. Before we left her house, Karen told us we better take some umbrellas. Kim and I looked at the sky, looked at each other and thought--this woman is crazy. Rain? On a day like this? So we left the house without the umbrellas. 15 minutes into our walk it didn't just rain on us, it poured. So this morning when Karen told us to pack two umbrellas, I had them in the stroller right away.

It's nice to be in a town where most of the shops close up on a Sunday. It really gives a place a deeper sense of real community. It feels like merchants are real people with real families that they would like to be with on a Sunday Morning. It feels like a place where commerce does not drive everything. So as we walked along the Bay Front we looked into the windows of darkened shops. Some of the shops that we had come to know in years past are completely closed up, inventory gone and floor space barren.

A few restaurants were open and the Abundant Life health food store was open as well. We stopped into the health food store and got Bodhi his favorite "yellow smoothie". Next to Abundant Life is a really nice restaurant, Cafe Pesto. We stopped in for an early lunch. We got a table by the window and watched foot traffic pass by as we ate. Hilo seems to really embody the feeling of live and let live. There was so much diversity passing by our window seat as we ate lunch. There were, hippies, homeless, rastafarians, locals, transplants, conservatives, liberals, university students, and a whole array of richly textured asian immigrants. And they are all able to move about this dance floor without stepping on each other's toes. It's amazing to witness.

Bodhi fell asleep in his stroller on the walk back to Karen's place. We are so grateful to Karen for letting us stay with her while we get the cabin on the land up and running. There are no real words to describe Karen's generosity.

I love Hilo Town. With all of its charms and funkiness, I love it. By the way, we made it back to Karen's before the rain.

Bodhi at the cabin

What a happy boy! We took Bodhi up to the cabin for the first time today. He asked, "Is this my new house? Is my bed here and my toys?" Yes--we said---and he was happy with the answer.

He watched as his daddy moved the wood cuttings that uncle Jim had made yesterday when he finished the roof. Bodhi seemed impressed with Andrew's work gloves and immediately set about getting out his own tool box and construction hat. He zoomed around on his bulldozer in our new kitchen area--so pleased in his boots, with his shirt off--"just like daddy".

Later Andrew and Bodhi stood on the second floor lanai using the binoculars Auntie Stephanie gave Bodhi. Bodhi was fascinated with the binos--how they opened and closed, that it had a compass on it, that it made the trees SO Close!

I stood behind them, inside the cabin putting away clothes--feeling so peaceful as I watched my two sweethearts enjoying each other and the beauty around them. Yes---this was the right decision.

Wood Shop

There is something very satisfying about pounding a nail into wood. This feeling is something very new to me. Just to clarify, I have held a hammer before and I have tacked a few small nails into walls to hang up pictures. But I haven't had a lot of experience driving a nail through wood to put something together. A couple of years ago, I did help my friend Denny, only for a day, work on an extension to his house. Denny also had some master carpenters working with us that day and I was amazed to see the skill these guys had; both intellectual and physical. These guys were true renaissance men. They understood the physics of putting up a structure, their minds calculated math at rapid speed, and they saw flat paged blue prints in three dimension. And when they swung their mighty hammers 16p nails went straight into the wood with one or two strokes. Amazing.

The extent of my building education was in the summer before my 7th grade year at Highlands Intermediate. I took a wood shop class for summer school. The wood shop class followed band class. I'm not being modest when I say this, but I sucked at both classes. I just didn't understand what was going on in band class. It might have been a numbers thing where I was just unable to count the beat in a measure or it might have been that I was too busy staring at the flute section(girls). Needless to say, that summer of band was the end of my musical education. The wood shop class that followed was no better. I actually got kicked out of that class on the first day. I must have been really squirrelly after band class and needing to play because my friend and I just started firing paper wads at each other from across the room. The teacher did not put up with it for a second. Before he even got to know our names he shouted out,"You and you get outta my class!" We left the class that day not knowing if we were going to be allowed to return. We did go back to class the next day and apologized to the teacher for being disruptive. And for the rest of the summer we learned how to make various wooden boxes that we glued together and a sitting stool with real nails in it. My boxes were often crooked and my stool wobbled a lot.

I feel like I'm getting a second chance to create boxes that are straight and stools that stand firm. Yesterday, Jim, Renato and I put up the ply boards on the second floor of the cabin to make the place Bodhi safe. A lot more is at stake here than whether or not I'll pass wood shop. It was very satisfying to know that with each swing of my hammer I was making the place safer for my wife and son. I think I may have pounded in a few more nails into the boards than was necessary. But the sound of hammer hitting nail, the feel of the hammer, and the vibrations in the palm of my hand was just too darn fun.

Happy Bodhi

People

It was so nice to be out on the land by myself today. I got some painting done on boards we'll be putting up to make the cabin Bodhi safe. It was very meditative moving the roller up and down the boards and transforming them by my movements.

Kim took Bodhi to the Imiloa Astronomy Museum this morning. It was really wonderful for Bodhi to hang out with one of his friends from Honolulu, Samba. Samba and her mom and dad, Jen and Renato moved from O‘ahu like us and are settling into life here on the Big Island as well. Samba and Bodhi are friends from Honolulu Waldorf School. They squealed with excitement when they saw each other. It was nice for Bodhi to hang out with a friend.

I stopped in at the Home Depot today for some paint, and although I'm not a big fan of Corporate America, the staff at the Hilo Home Depot have been incredibly helpful. Yesterday, I needed to buy some pieces of ply board to put up on the cabin to make it Bodhi safe. After I got the right boards and paid for them I tried to put them into my Volvo station wagon. No luck, they were too long. Fortunately, I have surf racks on the Volvo so I could just mount them on top. I did not, however, have any thing to strap the boards down. One of the helpful clerks, Regan, came up to me and asked if I needed help. I told him my situation and he told me he had some string I could use to tie down the boards. I asked if it would be safe to drive away only with the string. He asked how far I was driving and I told him 10 miles up the road to Kurtistown. He said that if I were just driving around Hilo it would be o.k. but to Kurtistown, I should buy some straps. He took me back in the store and showed me the straps I should get and said he would help me strap the boards on the Volvo. I get to the car and Regan gives me instructions on how to strap down the boards and then gets called away to help another customer. Try as I might to follow his instructions, I end up getting the straps into a huge tangled knot. Regan comes back over to see how I'm doing and sees the unruly ball of strap hanging from the side of the car. Without even flinching, he patiently starts to try and unravel my knot. I can hear his staff walkie talkie squelching requesting customer help somewhere else. He ignores them and continues to look for the beginning of the tangle. Several more calls for customer help come in and Regan is starting to sweat in the humid Hilo morning. I'm feeling bad as more customers need Regan's help and I am monopolizing his time with my tangle. Finally, another clerk comes out and sees the situation, she goes back in the store and gives me a whole new set of straps. I guess they decided to untangle my mess later. Regan and I took the new straps, got them on the car, and secured the boards down. I made it to the land with no boards flying in the wind. I love my straps. It was perhaps the best $15 I've spent in a while. They're bright orange and sturdy. They came to me with a great story and a reminder that despite some of my feelings that corporations have taken over the country, corporations are simply made up of people and people are good. Also, as far as knots, rather than trying to unravel them and follow them to where they began, it's far better most times to just let them go and get a fresh start.

Getting Organized

The container was unloaded yesterday and picked up today. No going back to O‘ahu now!

Andrew so proud that he learned how to strap plywood on the car from the nice Home Depot guy. "Finally put those racks to use."

Before picture of all the bins piled up from yesterday's unloading.

Nice shelves---thanks honey.

Finally got some organization going. Feels good. Now we know where things are---ready for some unpacking.

A good day's work!

The Unpacking

It's amazing how settling driving one's own car can be. Kim and I picked up our cars from the docks in Hilo this morning. After a week of feeling like a nomad living out of a suitcase and driving a borrowed car packed with our stuff that didn't get packed in the container, driving my own car felt normal. I guess that was what I was craving amidst all of this change we've been going through, a sense of normalcy. When Kim drove away from the docks in her car she pressed a preset button on the stereo out of habit, and only static came out of that Honolulu setting. She felt sad at the loss of another piece of Honolulu. She set the button to a Hilo station that we like and as she did that blaring out of the speakers came the rockin' lyric--"my future's so bright. . . I gotta wear shades." Pretty profound. I think the Universe was speaking. We'd better listen.

The 20' Young Brother's container was dropped off on the land today. Everything made it in one piece. It was nice to open the container doors and see things we had packed up a week ago. The first thing I saw when I opened the doors was Bodhi's car that he got from his cousin Ashley. He likes to scoot around (Flintstone style) in that thing and step in and out of the doors that swing open. It's really a cool little car that we made into a little painting project as well. Bodhi had a blast taking his paints out and getting different colors on his ride. Perhaps sitting in that car and scooting around in it again may make him feel a little normal too.

I'm very grateful to Bodhi's Godmother, Karen, for taking Bodhi around today so Kim and I could focus on unloading the container. I was impressed with our work crew today which consisted of Kim's dad and Jim our neighbor. It was inspiring to see these two guys in their 60s and my wife haul up heavy tables, sofas, chairs, desks, bookshelves, and beds, up a pretty steep flight of stairs. And it was hot.

It was comforting to come back to Karen's house after a day of unloading and eat a wonderful meal that Karen cooked for us and to sit and listen to Bodhi's adventures in Hilo Town.

When we were eating breakfast this morning, I must have been noticeably anxious about all the events that needed to happen today. Karen shared a really great process for turning anxiety to excitement. Often times when we experience fear or anxiety it is centered in our stomach area. What you need to do when you recognize the fear, is to visualize yourself moving the fear from your belly to your chest area. It will begin to vibrate at a higher vibration and turn to a feeling of excitement. Try it. It really works.

Goodbye Honolulu Cottage

Final pictures of our cottage in Honolulu. We really appreciate the time that we spent in that beautiful space.

Unbelievable

What did we get ourselves into? Maybe it's just a small case of buyers remorse topped by a dose of exhaustion that's playing on my emotions right now. We're in Hilo now. We're staying at Karen's house while we get the cabin on Jim's land ready to live in. Jim and I were up there on the land today pounding some nails and getting some things cleared out of the cabin. It's overwhelming to have so much jungle around you and to anticipate the life we are about to embark on. When I got back to Karen's this evening I stood under the shower for a while and enjoyed the feeling of the water washing down my body cleansing my spirit from a long day. I appreciated this simple act so much knowing that in about a week running water will be a luxury and bucket baths will be the norm. Why would Kim and I choose to do this? What are we hoping to gain from this experience? Ideally, it's about freedom and peace. I was reminded of this while Jim and I took a lunch break today and sat out on the lanai on the cabin. It was so peaceful sitting there looking out into a great expanse of green. The silence of the day was only broken up by an occasional cry of a hawk soaring overhead.

Kim and I really wanted to create a life where we could work together on projects and be able to be with each other for most of the day. If we continued to carry on with the life we were leading in Honolulu, we would see each other for a few hours in the evening and most of the weekend. I did not want to live a life where the most important person to me was someone I saw only part time. Kim felt the same way. And as far as simplifying things to the point of no modern amenities, it helps us answer the question, how much do we really need? What really do we need to be fulfilled people?

It's a whole new culture that we've found ourselves a part of. Jim and I were walking through Home Depot before we went up to the land this morning. He was educating me on different types of building material. It reminded me of a few summers ago when we went to visit Kim's family in Wisconsin and these DIY people had just built a new deck in their backyard. I told Kim that I wouldn't even know where to start with building a deck. Then I joked that I would probably start by calling a contractor.

We're having conversations with Karen about different things we can plant on our land. Kim and I were the kind of people that killed a cactus once because we over watered it--and now we're going to farm. What did we get ourselves into? This slight feeling of being unsettled reminds me of when Kim and I first moved to Japan. It was a whole new culture and language that we needed to get used to. In the beginning it was tough and we made many cultural faux pas. But eventually, we got our stride and life in Japan got easier and easier.

It'll take some time here as well. It may be weeks of cursing out loud at another crooked nail I pounded into the wood. But soon I will pound nails straight and know the difference between different types of organic fertilizer and compost. As for now, I am so grateful that I am on this journey with Kim. We shall hold hands and take our steps together. And when we have to, we will squeeze each other tight when we get scared.

Thanks for the Moondance

I sit at Andrea's kitchen counter and I stare out the back door to an immense backdrop of the Ko‘olaus. The clouds hang low keeping the the top of this austere mountain range shrouded. We're on our second leg of our trek to the Big Island. This is the Kaneohe part of the trip. I love the Windward side of O‘ahu. It's so green, so fertile. Yesterday, we said goodbye to Cory, Stephanie and Kaian and their beautiful home on Alewa Heights. Kaian and Bodhi played in the yard most of the morning and we topped the a.m. off with a lunch of pizza from JJ Dolan's and cheesecake from Otto Cake. JJ's is some of, if not perhaps, the best pizza in Hawai‘i. Check it out if you haven't already.

I love Van Morrison's "Moondance" album. A lot of the songs on it express the free spirit of the gypsy lifestyle. I'm coming to understand the feeling of being able to pack all your possessions into a covered wagon, heading out to the next stopping place. Right now, our covered wagon is our wonderful neighbor, John's, Saturn station wagon chock filled with things we didn't put in the container. It can either be a liberating experience or it can be an unsettling one. I'm choosing to feel liberated through this whole experience. Over the past few weeks we've relied heavily on the kindness of friends. It was everything from watching Bodhi while we packed, helping us pack, offers of meals, cars and lodging. Initially it was challenging for me to feel like I was imposing on people. This feeling is, perhaps, more acute in me because of my Asian upbringing. But what I'm realizing, is that like me, people want to be generous and it's important to give people opportunities to be generous. I know opportunities will come up for me to be generous to others and I will take them. It is my vision that I will be as generous as those that have helped us through this process. So my payback for now is simply to express the tremendous appreciation for all that we have. Thank you.

Packing The Emotions

Last week we were fully engaged in packing all of our stuff from the house. It was pretty hectic. Kim and I were sometimes staying up until 2:00 am to get things organized into manageable containers. While we were in this process we would remind ourselves that, next week when everything is on the boat heading for the Big Island we could relax. Well next week is this week and it has been quite a ride for us. Packing the stuff was physically demanding. This week on O‘ahu has been emotionally demanding. I think the late nights of filling containers was a lot easier than the process of going through my three year old son Bodhi's last gymnastic class or seeing this friend or that friend for the last time before heading out to the land. Packing all those ties and goodbyes has been taxing. Bodhi has been having it a little rough as well. He definitely understands that we are moving and he's seen the empty shell of the house we'd lived in and he's excited about the move, but his routine has been thrown off and he doesn't like it. We're all feeling taxed.

My mom had some good advice as we were in the midst of a gusty Bodhi tantrum. She simply said take deep breaths. I guess that is all there is to do really. In and out--In and out--In and out and next thing you know the storm has indeed passed and you are still in one piece. We are here, there is no getting around that and I don't think we'd want to anyway. Peace!

The In-Between Space

I woke up this morning at Cory and Stephanie's place.  They have been both generous and gracious enough to let us stay in their gorgeous apartment in the downstairs area of their beautiful home in Alewa Heights.  Down the road sits our old house that over the past seven years, Kim and I grew into a family.  It was the longest place we had lived in as a married couple.  My son was born there--right over the toilet in the bathroom.  He took his first steps there and basically went from being an infant to a full fledged boy.  It's the only house he's ever known.  

This morning as I stared out the window at Cory and Stephanie's place, I could see cars driving up "snake" road on the Kamehameha Schools Campus.  All my old colleagues reporting back for duty.  I think today is the first day for new invitees and 9th graders.  I think about my years at Kamehameha and I am so glad that I left feeling good about my time there, rather than feeling like--"Eff this place!  I'm outta here!"  I will miss the friends I made on campus.  

So now I sit in this in-between place.  The home we lived in for seven years is behind us.  I am in between income producing activities with no real sense of what that will be.  I am floating in mid air waiting for the net to appear.  

Stuff in a 20 Foot Container

We are so grateful for all the help we got the past couple of days getting packed and moved out of our house in Honolulu.  Yesterday, we had a crew of guys loading up all the stuff in our house into a 17" U-Haul truck and also into Cory Ching's fathers Honda Odyssey.  What an amazing feat it was to witness.  It was a very focused effort that took 7 years of accumulated stuff and loaded it all up in an hour and a half.  I have mixed emotions about the upcoming move.  About a year ago when we committed ourselves to this move, it seemed so clear why we were doing it.  Over the past few months, however, we've become very attached to life on O‘ahu and to all of our friends here. It's been a really fabulous summer for us.  Amidst the packing and getting ready to go, we've had a lot of time to really enjoy our time.  There were a lot of trips to the beach, dinners out with friends, staying up late watching some movie from Netflix, and getting to just hang out with Bodhi.  I was telling Kim the other day while we were in the whirlwind of getting all those last minute things packed up that we are riding a wave and we have to just go with it.  There is no pulling out now.  Even if we feel like we may be getting in over our heads, we have to go with the ride.  With that said, I must say the entire move has been going incredibly smooth.  We gotten just incredible support from people.  Thank you.

The Land

Here are some pictures of the land.  This past March we had a guy come in and clear a driveway and two house pads for us.  

Authenticity

I remember it was shortly after our son was born that Kim and I were driving the winding Old Pali Road.  I think we may have been trying to get our son down for a nap.  The tree canopy overhung the road and just little spots of sunlight broke through onto the asphalt.  The big questions of life floated around us as we drove and wondered how we would raise this new life in the back seat of the van. How would we raise ourselves?  Just as we were coming around Morgan's Corner, Kim had an epiphany.  It came to her in crystal clear tones.  She told me a pretty simple formula.  She said, "If we live authentically, we will have everything we desire."  What is authentic?  For us, perhaps, it is this move that we are making to opt out of the normal routines of society.  It saddens me to see so many people I know posting on their facebook pages the the joyful glee of the upcoming weekend, because it indicates to me that we live in a society where people feel they need to trudge through 5 days of the week for a two day reprieve.  Why do people put up with it? 

Kim and I had a dear, dear friend of ours die a couple of years back.  She had just retired from 27 years of teaching and had so many grand plans of what to do with her time.  Within the first year of her retirement she was diagnosed with stage four ovarian cancer and within months her soul had transitioned and taken that walk over the rainbow.  A few years before that another  dear friend of ours, a 30 year old woman died of  breast cancer.  What are we doing with our time and space between birth and death?  Are we just trudging through to have a few laughs on the weekend?  Or are we really living?  If we live authentically, we will have everything we desire.  My soul wants to stretch out and feel the freedom of life.  

The Leap

I'm going to the woods because I, like Thoreau, wished to live deliberately. But unlike Thoreau I have a wife, a three year old child a house full of furniture and two Volvos. All the stuff and the cars need to get packed onto a Young Brother's barge. We, the people, will follow on a Hawaiian Air flight a few days later.

Compared to most Americans we really don't have a lot of stuff. Over the years we've really simplified our living situation. But this move we're making is really taking it a step further. My wife and I bought ten acres of blank ag land in the Ola‘a Forest Reserve on the Big Island of Hawai'i. This place is completely off the grid. For the first year we'll be living in our friend's cabin(no electricity, no running water) on a neighboring property while we build our own house. My wife and I have no building skills and no farming skills, but we're confident we can learn. We joked with our friend that sold us the land that he sold the land to the two urbanites from that old tv series, "Green Acres".

So here we go to the District of Puna on the Big Island, a place of rugged roads and unpaved people. Stay tuned.