Permanence

I think I may have gotten too much sun today.

Over the last few days Kim and I thought it would be a good idea to focus in on getting Bodhi as settled as possible in his new environment before he starts preschool tomorrow. So we've taken a break from working on the land and have been hanging out and enjoying Hilo Town. This morning after taking some trash to the dump, we took Bodhi to get his "yellow" smoothie from Abundant Life and then to Mokupapapa--a sea life exhibition on the Bay Front. Bodhi enjoys going into Mokupapapa to play with all of the displays there. He always asks for a honu hand stamp from the front counter before we leave. After our time at the Bay Front we drove to Onekahakaha Beach. The beach was gorgeous. The water was very calm and shallow with a sandy bottom. Standing in the water and staring out to sea, the Hamakua Coast is on display and Mauna Kea rises up in the background. When we first got in the water, a sea turtle was cruising around near the shore. As it swam around its front fin would rise up above the water and Bodhi was convinced it was waving hello to him. The sun was deceptive today. It didn't feel very intense when we were out there, but it was really pounding down on me and zapped my energy.

It's interesting how emotions can really rise up in you when you are fatigued. This afternoon I couldn't quite understand why I was feeling physically kind of out of it. I felt like I was always on the verge of tears. Then I had the realization that I was really nervous about Bodhi starting school tomorrow. There is so much wrapped up in him going to school. For Kim and I, Bodhi starting the routine of going to school here on the Big Island is a definite marker that we are not on vacation here. Over the last week and a half that we have been here, even though we've been working on the land, there was still that slight feeling of being on vacation instead of feeling like we've moved here. Now, there is a feeling of permanence with him starting school. There is also trust issues on my part. I know the teachers at the Waldorf School are professionals, but I don't necessarily trust other people to care for my precious, sweet, little boy. Over the past three years Kim has been Bodhi's primary care giver and now we are handing him over to other people, that I only met a few days ago, to socialize him. I know, I know I need to surrender. But questions flare up in my mind like, are they going to know how to help him make shi shi?, will they be able to get him to eat his lunch?, will he get along with the other kids?

Kim reassures me that he's ready and that his teachers are really good people. So right here, right now, I surrender and trust knowing that all is well. Isn't it great what kinds of things come up from the inside for you to look at and surrender. And I can thank a hot day in the sun for helping to bring it all up.

We're sitting in Karen's living room right now. Kim is working on labeling Bodhi's clothes, blankets, rain boots, rain coat. Kim was going to simply place a piece of masking tape on one of Bodhi's blankets and write his name with a sharpie. So she asks Karen for some masking tape and explains what she is planning on doing. Karen goes to her closet and takes out her embroidering material and gives Kim a lesson on spelling B-o-d-h-i with thread. So now his blanket is embroidered with his name in this great green color. And unlike tape, it won't come away so easily. I guess it's just like our stay here on the Big Island.