Unbelievable

What did we get ourselves into? Maybe it's just a small case of buyers remorse topped by a dose of exhaustion that's playing on my emotions right now. We're in Hilo now. We're staying at Karen's house while we get the cabin on Jim's land ready to live in. Jim and I were up there on the land today pounding some nails and getting some things cleared out of the cabin. It's overwhelming to have so much jungle around you and to anticipate the life we are about to embark on. When I got back to Karen's this evening I stood under the shower for a while and enjoyed the feeling of the water washing down my body cleansing my spirit from a long day. I appreciated this simple act so much knowing that in about a week running water will be a luxury and bucket baths will be the norm. Why would Kim and I choose to do this? What are we hoping to gain from this experience? Ideally, it's about freedom and peace. I was reminded of this while Jim and I took a lunch break today and sat out on the lanai on the cabin. It was so peaceful sitting there looking out into a great expanse of green. The silence of the day was only broken up by an occasional cry of a hawk soaring overhead.

Kim and I really wanted to create a life where we could work together on projects and be able to be with each other for most of the day. If we continued to carry on with the life we were leading in Honolulu, we would see each other for a few hours in the evening and most of the weekend. I did not want to live a life where the most important person to me was someone I saw only part time. Kim felt the same way. And as far as simplifying things to the point of no modern amenities, it helps us answer the question, how much do we really need? What really do we need to be fulfilled people?

It's a whole new culture that we've found ourselves a part of. Jim and I were walking through Home Depot before we went up to the land this morning. He was educating me on different types of building material. It reminded me of a few summers ago when we went to visit Kim's family in Wisconsin and these DIY people had just built a new deck in their backyard. I told Kim that I wouldn't even know where to start with building a deck. Then I joked that I would probably start by calling a contractor.

We're having conversations with Karen about different things we can plant on our land. Kim and I were the kind of people that killed a cactus once because we over watered it--and now we're going to farm. What did we get ourselves into? This slight feeling of being unsettled reminds me of when Kim and I first moved to Japan. It was a whole new culture and language that we needed to get used to. In the beginning it was tough and we made many cultural faux pas. But eventually, we got our stride and life in Japan got easier and easier.

It'll take some time here as well. It may be weeks of cursing out loud at another crooked nail I pounded into the wood. But soon I will pound nails straight and know the difference between different types of organic fertilizer and compost. As for now, I am so grateful that I am on this journey with Kim. We shall hold hands and take our steps together. And when we have to, we will squeeze each other tight when we get scared.